Lessons from Friedman:

I loved the TV show "Soul Man" with Dan Ackroyd ... he kind of took his Blue Brothers persona and by putting on a clerical collar took the "Mission From God" to a whole NEW level ... The show didn't last long, but it did leave an impression on me ... a leather jackets, Harley driving, cleric who had his moments and failings was simply and utterly awesome.

Unfortunately too many people prefer their clergy to be tepid wimps like the father in Seventh Heaven to a real person who cusses, drinks and occasionally engages in a brawl or two (THAT WAS A HILARIOUS EPISODE!!!), and as a result the show faded into obscurity ... but the impression has not been lost ...

Today I was reading a portion of Edwin Friedman's book "Generation to Generation" that outlined the challenges posed by unhealthy and dysfunctional congregational systems that begin to posit blame for the dysfunction on the clergy leader, rather than having people take responsibility for their part in the dysfunction. Friedman sees the hen-pecking and nit-picking that results, as a symptom of bigger issues ... unfortunately, when people fail to open their eyes to these currents and issues the end result is what he dubs the "beheading" of the clergy person, rather than a healthy journey to healing and wholeness ...

Real clergy are never welcomed in a dysfunctional system and their propensity to living real lives leads only to judgement and destruction ...

Friedman writes:

Sometimes the content issue IS symptomatic of a continuing malignant process. An advantage, therefore, of being able to distinguish content from process is that it prevents the "fake-outs" of apparent, symptomatic change. As with personal families, to the extent a symptom goes away because the complaining party was APPEASED, or where issues are resolved in isolation from other changes in the system, such change is not likely to last.

AN ILLUSION OF CHANGE: A minister was resented by a handful of congregants from the very beginning of his ministry. His predecessor had been their pet. He in contrast, had been selected by the "new guard" after internecine conflict in the congregation. They urged him to make a number of rapid changes. After 3 years, the "old guard" counterattacked and lost again. The pastor made a public attempt at reconciliation, and publicly praised their contributions to the congregation again and again. THINGS CALMED DOWN, BUT THE MINISTER, HAD NEVER MADE THE YOUNGER LAY LEADERS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PROBLEM in their own congregational family. In other words he remained in the triangle. Five years later the congregation decided to move and needed the contribution of these six older families. As their price, the latter exacted a new spiritual leader.

Every time members of a congregation begin to concentrate on their minister's "performance" there is a good chance they are displacing something from their own personal lives. ... When ministers accept that displacement (by getting lost in the content of the charges), they not only become the identified focus of the congregation, as in all such "family" situations, but they also permit the others not to have to face themselves. Perhaps the most apropos example of the failure of content focus to bring systemic change is the following story:

A TEST OF FAITH: A dedicated minister, whose wife left him for another man began to date a divorced woman in the church. He was himself legally separated but not divorced. A small group began a terrific attack on his morals. At first the leadership said "Don't pay attention," and he agreed. Then they said, "Just date her discreetly," and he agreed. Then they said, "Better not date her until your own divorce," and he agreed. They finally demanded a public confession, and not being "a man for all seasons," he agreed again. When contract time came around, they "beheaded" him anyway ...

Friedman's words hit close to home to me, and offer an explanatory road map to the nonsense I've been living over the last two years ... I only hope that one day some eyes are opened to this reality and the systemic problems are finally named and dealt with before another clergy is shown the door for simply being a human being with failings and frailties ...

Thirsting for MORE ...

We live in an interesting time ... church attendance is declining (rapidly), while our movies, books, and other forms of media are struggling with the big issues of life, faith and spirituality ... Mainstream denominations like The United Church of Canada hang up invitational signs for groups of people who have for one reason or another not been traditional attendees of worship services. Even book publishers crank out valune after volume of tomes on matters spiritual ...

Yet, Churches are doing a LOUSY job stepping up to the plate and embracing the possibility and potential that this time offers and represents ...

People aren't interested in embracing traditional religion and church as it has been ... they want MORE ... but our denominations have a major disconnect between the ideas of things like "The Emerging Spirit" campaign and "The Wonder Cafe" outreach project, and what is happening in the individual congregations.

I have shelves of books (okay - right now I have BOXES of books) on the challenges that dog individual congregations. Predominant among them is the work of Edwin Friedman who applies Family Process Theory to the dysfunction we often find in congregations and faith communities. He examines the toxic behaviour that is passed generationally within these communities and by taking that dysfunction seriously, AND naming the complacency of others who do nothing to address nor remedy THAT behaviour, suggests that the Broader Church and Faith Community leadership do a disservice to all involved by casting a blind eye on such behaviour.

The other day I heard the statement - "we are experiencing a failure of our leadership..." while the blame was posited at MY FEET ... I laughed (amid my tears) because there was NO FAILURE on my part of leadership ... I brought resources to the table ... I offered opportunities for reflection ... I pleaded for OUTSIDE help ... the failure of leadership (something I DON'T dispute) came from people who like the three mythical monkeys sat with their eyes firmly shut, their mouths tightly closed and their ears effectively stopped, because they, in their fear, found it easier to deny the reality around them, than embrace the wave that was washing over them...

When leadership fails to admit to its shortcomings and failures, and operates strictly from an erroneous egotisitical stance that maintains that "it's what's for the common good" while neighbours are left devestated and grief stricken ... there is a profound problem ...

Saying - "we have to move forward" when the outcome is deepening a division would indicate that there is NO COMMON GOOD, but only the feeding andenhancement of misguided egos ...

The failure of leadership to address the issues raised by the Spiritual Hunger means that the Church (and other faith groups) will simply die ... but it won't be the end of the story ... Instead, that Spiritual Hunger will give rise (thanks to the Spirit) to something NEW ... it will be the resurrection made real ...

Faith communities will simply wither and die if we (all of us - clergy and lay) don't take seriously profound dysfunction that exists within themselves ... Shrugging our shoulders and saying "oh, that's the way it has always been..."is NO LONGER AN OPTION.

Driving out the leadership who can hold up an uncomfortable mirror that offers few warm pink fuzzies to placate our discomfort with seeing what we're REALLY like ...is NO LONGER AN OPTION.

The voices calling for more are gaining strength and volume ... the hunger that many feel beyond the comfort of our familiar pews is REAL and as people of faith who recogize the hunger and thirst that those crying out represent can NO LONGER sit like three little monkeys pretending that everything will be okay ...

The call for action is NOW.
The people called are YOU and I.
And the way for it to happen is for people of good faith to take the call to Resurrection seriously.

Starting today ... this place becomes my Wittenburg Door ... the place I will nail up my reflections, musings, and thoughts about the state of the Modern Church ... like my colleague and buddy Blake over at "The Laudhing Pastor" ... I set my sights on offering a message of HOPE and FAITH to those who are hungering for things Spiritual ...

In the coming days I will reflect on the learnings I've gleaned from people like Tolle, Hahn, Friedman, Nouwen, Vanier, and countless others who speak from a vantage point outside the Institutional religious bodies. This place will become a site where matters of faith are spoken of openly and freely ...

THIS WILL be the place I nail my personal 95 Theses and openly proclaim - "Here I am, I can do no other ..." and leave the rest in the hands of God ...

... and my motivation is the simple realization that there are many people out there who are hungry for SOMETHING more than the tepid status quo of faith ... and I KNOW I've been both called, and blessed with the gifts to reach out to them ... and with humbleness, it's a calling I will explore ...

Hang on ... it's gonna be a fun journey ...

Peace.

Wise Counsel from one who whispers truth ...

When we hate someone, and are angry at her,

it is because we do not understand her

or the circumstances she comes from.

By practicing deep looking,

we realize that if we grew up like her,

in her set of circumstances and in her environment,

we would be just like her.

That kind of understanding removes your anger,

and suddenly that person is no longer your enemy.

Then you can love her.

As long as she remains and enemy,

LOVE is IMPOSSIBLE.

Thich Nhat Hanh

It's funny. I first encountered that quotation at the meeting on Sunday afternoon where the vote to "end the pastoral relationship without cause" was held. (a vote that passed)

Since then, I have continued my reading of Hanh, and found myself reflecting on his words over and over. Today I remembered a video I saw not long after I returned from a six week study tour of Israel, Jordan and Egypt back in 1988.

In the video clip on the news one night they visited a place run by one of the many groups struggling to bring the children of Palestine and Israel together. At the end of the clip little Arab boys and little Jewish Boys had their arms wrapped around each other and were laughing in the midst of the hugging ... BUT, what stood out for me were two little 9 or 10 year old boys who had their arms wrapped around each other and were proclaiming for the camera: "WE ARE BROTHERS !!!"

The reporter asked them what they thought about the adults saying "you are enemies" and the little Jewish boy, with his arms around his Arab "brother" said "He's not my enemy. I know him. He's my brother, and I love him ..."

I think this is the moment Jesus meant when he told us to LOVE our enemies, to love those who would revile us, and to walk an extra mile to carry the pack of our enemy ... When we take the time to talk TO the person we supposedly hate, we suddenly realize they are a person with hopes and fears, and they are remarkably like us. Walking that extra mile gives us the opportunity to learn more about the other person, and perhaps learn more about ourselves and our own shortcomings and biases ...

In faith, when we have the courage to spend time with our enemies, they will not stay our enemy for long if we take the time to form a relationship with them and learn about them and their lives ... In human history we can point to thousands of examples where that moment is lived and enemies lay aside hate and anger and find healing and wholeness ... Too bad in matters of faith that is often the last thing people try ...

To diminish hate, and live love we need to try ...

Jazz Live at Chipperfields ...

Making the most of every moment ...

Thich Nhat Hanh has written many books on peace, mindfulness and filling one's life with a depth of meaning that is breathtaking ... but the other I read a posting over at "At The Half Note" where Katie was sharing advice her mother had given her about dealing with life's intensity by "going off and washing the dishes ..."

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As I read the posting, I thought of passage in Hanh's book "Peace is Every Step" where heurges his reader to be mindful in EVERY moment, but to use an opportunity like washing the dishes as a moment where mindfulness can not only be found, but celebrated as well ... Hanh writes:

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To my mind, the idea that doing dishes is unpleasant can occur only when you aren't doing them. Once you are standing in front of the sink with your sleeves rolled up and your hands in the warm water, it is really quite pleasant. I enjoy taking my time with each dish, being fully aware of the dish, the water, each movement of my hands. I know that if I hurry in order to eat dessert sooner, the time of washing dishes will be unpleasant and not worth living. That would be a pity, for each moment, each second of life is a miracle. The dishes themselves and the fact that I am here washing them are miracles!

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If I am incapable of washing dishes joyfully, if I want to finish them quickly so I can go and have dessert, I will be equally incapable of enjoying my dessert. With the forkinmy hand, I will be thinking about what to do next, and the texture and the flavour of the dessert, together with the pleasure of eating it will be lost. I will always be dragged into the future, never able to live in the present moment.
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Each thought, each action in the sunlight of awareness becomes sacred. In this light, no boundary exists between the sacred and the profane. I must confess it takes me a bit longer to do the dishes, but I live fully in every moment, and I am happy. Washing the dishes is at the same time a means and an end - that is, not only do we do the dishes in order to have clean dishes, we also do the dishes just to do the dishes, to live fully in each moment while washing them.