Lessons from Friedman:

I loved the TV show "Soul Man" with Dan Ackroyd ... he kind of took his Blue Brothers persona and by putting on a clerical collar took the "Mission From God" to a whole NEW level ... The show didn't last long, but it did leave an impression on me ... a leather jackets, Harley driving, cleric who had his moments and failings was simply and utterly awesome.

Unfortunately too many people prefer their clergy to be tepid wimps like the father in Seventh Heaven to a real person who cusses, drinks and occasionally engages in a brawl or two (THAT WAS A HILARIOUS EPISODE!!!), and as a result the show faded into obscurity ... but the impression has not been lost ...

Today I was reading a portion of Edwin Friedman's book "Generation to Generation" that outlined the challenges posed by unhealthy and dysfunctional congregational systems that begin to posit blame for the dysfunction on the clergy leader, rather than having people take responsibility for their part in the dysfunction. Friedman sees the hen-pecking and nit-picking that results, as a symptom of bigger issues ... unfortunately, when people fail to open their eyes to these currents and issues the end result is what he dubs the "beheading" of the clergy person, rather than a healthy journey to healing and wholeness ...

Real clergy are never welcomed in a dysfunctional system and their propensity to living real lives leads only to judgement and destruction ...

Friedman writes:

Sometimes the content issue IS symptomatic of a continuing malignant process. An advantage, therefore, of being able to distinguish content from process is that it prevents the "fake-outs" of apparent, symptomatic change. As with personal families, to the extent a symptom goes away because the complaining party was APPEASED, or where issues are resolved in isolation from other changes in the system, such change is not likely to last.

AN ILLUSION OF CHANGE: A minister was resented by a handful of congregants from the very beginning of his ministry. His predecessor had been their pet. He in contrast, had been selected by the "new guard" after internecine conflict in the congregation. They urged him to make a number of rapid changes. After 3 years, the "old guard" counterattacked and lost again. The pastor made a public attempt at reconciliation, and publicly praised their contributions to the congregation again and again. THINGS CALMED DOWN, BUT THE MINISTER, HAD NEVER MADE THE YOUNGER LAY LEADERS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PROBLEM in their own congregational family. In other words he remained in the triangle. Five years later the congregation decided to move and needed the contribution of these six older families. As their price, the latter exacted a new spiritual leader.

Every time members of a congregation begin to concentrate on their minister's "performance" there is a good chance they are displacing something from their own personal lives. ... When ministers accept that displacement (by getting lost in the content of the charges), they not only become the identified focus of the congregation, as in all such "family" situations, but they also permit the others not to have to face themselves. Perhaps the most apropos example of the failure of content focus to bring systemic change is the following story:

A TEST OF FAITH: A dedicated minister, whose wife left him for another man began to date a divorced woman in the church. He was himself legally separated but not divorced. A small group began a terrific attack on his morals. At first the leadership said "Don't pay attention," and he agreed. Then they said, "Just date her discreetly," and he agreed. Then they said, "Better not date her until your own divorce," and he agreed. They finally demanded a public confession, and not being "a man for all seasons," he agreed again. When contract time came around, they "beheaded" him anyway ...

Friedman's words hit close to home to me, and offer an explanatory road map to the nonsense I've been living over the last two years ... I only hope that one day some eyes are opened to this reality and the systemic problems are finally named and dealt with before another clergy is shown the door for simply being a human being with failings and frailties ...